Why I am re-writing my first (two) book(s) AGAIN #
Dear Apprentice,
Recently I began documenting the production of my fourth book, Phrygian Nights. In three and a half weeks I nearly completed my goal of a 40,000 word first draft, though it’s looking like the book could actually be between 50,000 and 60,000.
I’ve learned much since I started writing books. My third book, Ashen Rider, is just about finished and will release in December, less than two months from now at the time of writing. I decided to release that book before my first foray into fiction books, What Lies Below, because it’s cohesive theming and strong command of language are leagues beyond that of WLB.
Ashen Rider made me a pro. What Lies Below only taught me how to write books.
What Lies Below has undergone significant editing and rewrites over the years. I’ve even split it into two books to solve multiple problems with it. But upon picking it back up to complete the last round of self-edits, I find that I’m not a fan of the execution of this story.
I’m not a self-loathing writer. I will tell anyone that I believe Ashen Rider is the best thing I’ve ever written… which is why I need to rewrite this story. I wrote What Lies Below (and now Those Left Behind) while I was going through my undergrad and learning how to be a writer. I wrote Ashen Rider after having become a rather competent writer. I want these books to stand as equals to Ashen Rider.
So another rewrite—yes, another, I did one back in 2024—is in order to pull these books into a decent duology that stands up to my other work.
Check back here often, I’ll release journals as they’re written.
Word Counts #
| Week | Total Count | Target |
|---|---|---|
| 1 (Oct. 12) | 11,506 | 11,506 of 65,000 |
| 2 (Oct. 19) | 4,451 | 15,957 of 65,000 |
| 3 (Oct. 26) | 7,879 | 23,836 of 65,000 |
| 4 (Dec. 14) | 15,826 | 39,662 of 65,000 |
| 5 (Dec. 21) | 17,960 | 57,622 of 65,000 |
| 6 (Dec. 28) | 7,812 | 65,434 of 65,000 |
Second Rewrite Journal — October 2025 #
Week One #
Sunday — 10/12 #
Dear Apprentice,
I began my rewrite with the prologue. Already relieved I decided to do this. I’m a far better writer now and luckily I’ve reached a plataue. During school, I was advancing faster than my projects could keep up with.
Gentle beginning, only the prologue to ease into the project.
High hopes.
Monday — 10/13 #
Spent too much time writing. No time to write this entry as a consequence. Let’s chat tomorrow.
Tuesday — 10/14 #
Work is busy, got done what I could.
Wednesday — 10/15 #
Driving all day for work. Got done what I could.
Thursday — 10/16 #
Admittedly, everything has been rather stressful. We went on vacation last week, which was a rest week following a three and a half week stint working on the first draft of Phrygian Nights. I’m behind on everything, very tired, and time to work on any project seems to be fragmented.
As of writing—before my daily writing session—I’m so fragmented I’ve probably sat down to work on some editorial seven times for a grand total of ten minutes. It’s been rough creatively.
What crop rotation (and journaling about the crop rotation) is teaching me is that I want to write my own books. I’m overwhelmed by Arcanist stuff and have decided to scale it back in the next year to accommodate a major promotion at my day job and my 14 months of graduate school coming up.
I’ve been putting out my feelers for the career path that would feed my family. Though I love writing, unfortunately, it’s just not going to do it.
This doesn’t have really anything to do with this project—aside from my erratic word counts. But it is what’s happening in my life and now I’m trying to re-evaluate how much time I spend pretending to be Mr. Publisher. I think my free-time is better spent working on my own writing and that of my close-knit community.
Update: No words written today. Intense stress, all free time spent editing a friend’s story.
Friday — 10/17 #
Not a bad session for less than an hour spent writing. It was a good day at work. A better day in general, compared to yesterday. It’s funny how anxiety convinces you the sky is falling and the next day you realize everything is fine.
Lots of panic for no reason. The relief of that has me feeling quite cathartic. In the mood to write, so I hope to write a few thousand more words this weekend.
Saturday — 10/18 #
A good couple sessions today. Helped me relax and get my mind off some troubling things. Menke with the Arcanist is working through the developmental read of the old stuff—which is coming at a good time, I’m already applying her feedback.
Week One Word Count #
| Day | Words Written | Chapter |
|---|---|---|
| Sun, 10/12 | 678 | Prologue (X) |
| Mon, 10/13 | 4990 | Chapter 1 (X), Chapter 2 (—) |
| Tue, 10/14 | 833 | Chapter 2 (—) |
| Wed, 10/15 | 481 | Chapter 2 (X) |
| Thu, 10/16 | — | — |
| Fri, 10/17 | 820 | Chapter 3 (—) |
| Sat, 10/18 | 3704 | Chapter 3 (X), Chapter 5 (—) |
| Week One Total: 11,506 |
Week Two #
Sunday — 10/19 #
Took day off to see a friend!
Monday — 10/20 #
One the editors is offering developmental feedback on the old draft. It’s coming at a good time since I’m concurrently rewriting the chapter’s she is reading.
The biggest problem area seems to be Chapter 5 (which will now be chapter 4). Iason is confusing and the old draft went too deep trying to explain away his asexuality and how it relates to his social awkwardness. His motivations are off kilter, too.
So I’m going to significantly rework that chapter and place it before Serafin’s introduction. Rather than Iason going off without his sister, it’s going to turn into more of a forced summons. Maybe that would mirror nicely with Serafin’s summons.
Haven’t started on it yet—will do so soon. Finishing up Chapter 5 (which was Chapter 4)
Tuesday — 10/21 #
I had a great idea for how to integrate Serafin’s chapters with the style of the book. During this rewrite I’ve been closing in on the main characters with sections of 1st person memories.
For Serafin, I have written her prayers, in the style of a devotional. I’m pretty excited for this as it seems devotionals take on different literary forms like poetry.
Work is ramping up, harder than it has been. Writing as much as time allows. Just keeping up on the daily is enough. This is a long term project.
Recording developmental feedback in another document ([[310-251020 WLB Developmental Feedback]]).
Not much time, so I’ll cool my writing and start reviewing Chapters Five and Six and think about to reform them.
Chapter Three Note #
- Thought of this while reading five: Dann should feel off when she meets the High Vicar. She has the sense for his BS.
Chapter Five Notes #
- Iason decides to go to palace, which informs his visit to the bathhouse and interaction with barkeep.
- Instead, there should be a discussion with Neryth about what to do.
- He goes down to break his fast, Harbingers come and forcefully escort him to the palace.
- Bath is on the way.
- “The King” is mountain that should be “The Father”
- Perhaps he meets Dann on the way?
Chapter Six Notes #
- Iason would be worried for Neryth leaving on her own. She would only wander after he was taken by the Harbingers.
- Expand on the feelings of no one
- Be transparent about Neryth’s potential as a witch.
- “She had known exactly what she wanted.” What did she want? Release her identity from Marc and focus on the children some.
- Explosion warranted? Depict a bit more annoyance and frustration.
Friday — 10/24 #
Not much writing done this week. Slogging through the new Chapter 4, which is a combo of some other chapters that didn’t read well and needed to be significantly reworked.
Wasn’t able to do much today, will revisit tomorrow morning and try to catch up.
Saturday — 10/25 #
Ended up spending the weekend on Ashen Rider—I read the whole book, made some final corrections and alterations, and finalized the interior design. Was able to do this through most of Saturday and half of Sunday.
This does mean that I’m behind on WLB, but frankly, Ashen Rider is more pressing. I’m still on track with my own plan as this block of the crop rotation was slated for focus on both books.
Onward to next week, where I WILL have more words written.
Though what I did do—which was a bucket list item before these books were finished—was attend a community headstone restoration workshop at our local cemetery. I usually like to do some research during my projects to keep me engaged with the story and this was an excellent event for that.
Week Two Word Count #
| Day | Words Written | Chapter |
|---|---|---|
| Sun, 10/19 | — | — |
| Mon, 10/20 | 833 | Chapter 5 (—) |
| Tue, 10/21 | 458 | Chapter 5 (X) |
| Wed, 10/22 | 1950 | Chapter 4 (—) |
| Thu, 10/23 | 1210 | Chapter 4 (—) |
| Fri, 10/24 | — | — |
| Sat, 10/25 | — | — |
| Week Two Total: 4,451 |
Week Three #
Tuesday — 10/28 #
I was able to fit a pretty good writing session in between things at work. I delayed my lunch until 2pm to finish my milestone, which turned out to be a good idea because my office was no longer empty when I returned.
Stealing time for writing is only getting more difficult as work gets more involved. It will get worse once I begin my Masters on November 10th. I’m proud of what I accomplished today.
Wednesday — 10/29 #
Spent my pockets of free time today getting a YouTube video prepared and posted. I also wrote the script for the Kickstarter video that I need to make. So, all in all, stuff for these books but not the draft itself. This week is not going as I had hoped, but I’m still here, still trying.
Thursday — 10/30 #
Got up this morning and was able to get another 1000 words in to finish the pesky chapter 4. Part of my issue this week has been finishing this chapter. It was a total rework and I had low motivation for it. I’m excited to finally move on.
Let’s see how the rest of the day goes. I know I’ll have company in the second half of the day.
EDIT: Didn’t get there. It’s okay. There’s always the weekend.
Friday — 10/31 #
Chunking along and rather enjoying the ride. I’m not ready to put this down quite yet so I might continue into next week. Let’s see how I feel tomorrow.
One morning session before work, and an hour stolen at the end of the day. This is what we writers do!
Saturday — 11/1 #
Week Three Word Counts #
| Day | Words Written | Chapter |
|---|---|---|
| Sun, 10/26 | — | — |
| Mon, 10/27 | — | — |
| Tue, 10/28 | 2,584 | Chapter 4 (—) |
| Wed, 10/29 | — | — |
| Thu, 10/30 | 1,015 | Chapter 4 (X) |
| Fri, 10/31 | 2,064 | Chapter 7 (—) |
| Sat, 11/1 | 2,216 | Chapter 7 (X) |
| Week Three Total: 7,879 |
Week Four #
Monday — 12/15 #
I’m back at it again! Revisiting What Lies Below after a substantial break. I am excited see where things go. This is the first time I’m writing on a genuine deadline. This book is coming out in September of 2026 and has since been funded on Kickstarter! I hope to have my rewrite turned into editors by March.
Reviewing developmental edits, and got a solid writing session done sitting with Eden as we listened to classical music.
On to tomorrow!
Tuesday — 12/16 #
Woke up this morning with a quiet yoga and meditation session. The biggest challenge of my early mornings has been to use them wisely. Today I have and I’ve showed up to write at 4:30am because of it.
The first step is showing up, which I’ve been doing. The next step is using the time to grow rather than to languish. I just heard someone say that the meaning of life is entertainment. That disturbs me deeply. Pain and discomfort, even suffering are all valid parts of life. Boredom is a blessing, once you’ve known sufficient pain. Endless entertainment and passivity is a road to emptiness, and in my experience, evil is often linked with void.
I know it seems silly for a fantasy writer to criticize the virtue—or lack thereof—in entertainment. But I don’t write fantasy to entertain, I do it to explore and poke and prod at things people would rather leave buried.
Anyway, time I should write the actual book now!
EDIT: Good writing session, very productive morning. I will squeeze in more during the day if I can but I’ve afforded myself space to work on video scripts or the short story burning a hole in my mind.
I’m making a lot of changes based on the developmental feedback, and honestly it was so helpful. Many of these rewrites do not resemble the original draft at all and I think that will be for the better.
I’ve talked at length about how this was my first book and thus is riddled with errors and nonsense that I’ve committed over the years. Sometimes ditching the original and reimagining is what’s required from a rewrite.
Restructuring #
A big part of this edit is making the books read better as a pair as opposed to a standalone. It is a lot different in the way info needs to be presented. Chapter Four was majorly restructured, for example, combining two later chapters into one.
Chapter Seven is much the same. I added, removed, and changed almost every scene compared to the original. I’ve also swapped places and made it Chapter 6 (and now the Chapter 6 finished last time is Chapter 7). Chapter 8 will probably be much shorter as it will consist of the back half I cut from this chapter.
This project is a constant lesson as to how we should establish good bones in the first draft to save ourselves worry in the rewrite. As we know with this book, I just didn’t have that ability during this first draft nor in the first rewrite.
I’m so much happier with this incarnation of the story.
Wednesday — 12/16 #
Another good morning opened with meditation and yoga. It’s good stuff and helping a lot. I’ve done some research recently, which is something I usually neglect, I prefer just to write. But it’s very important to me that I get the historical details of embalming and mummifying correct.
EDIT: I’m beginning work on “Chapter 9” which had once been Chapter 13, and even before that was Chapter 15. I’m starting to understand why people name their chapters.
The jist of it is that I’m returning to Dann and Arnau’s departure from the city before returning to Serafin’s next chapter, which I want to close Part Two
This is also one of my favorite chapters, so I’m excited to see how I can improve it.
Research #
I’ve read a couple sources that taught me a lot about egyptian embalming
- Darin Hayton’s Harvard Blog, “Scientists Prove that Herodotus Lied”
- A.D. Wade’s and A.J. Nelson’s study, “Radiological evaluation of the evisceration tradition in ancient Egyptian mummies”
- I’ve also download the classical texts from Herodotus, Plutarch, and Diodorus Siculus and plan to read them later. Unfortunately, reading means I’m not writing and these articles got me far enough to write about this topic confidently.
- Some practical experience I’ve gained is learning how to clean headstones by volunteers at Rosehill Cemetery, which is a massive historic graveyard in my neighborhood. Here are before and after pictures:
Friday — 12/19 #
I completed chapter 9, which was something of a beast. It is probably my favorite chapter in the whole duology, which I’ve concluded made me a bit short short sighted. The developmental editor posed several questions throughout the chapter, indicating the reading experience is confusing. I tried to solve that in this second rewrite. I love it even more now.
There’s a battle with a monstrous demon of my own design. Here’s the sketch I drew up when I first wrote this chapter in 2022:
Saturday — 12/20 #
Not much to say on the writing itself today, but I did manage to finish PART TWO of the books and I want to layout where I think the existing chapters will fall since so much of the previous chapters have been totally reworked.
Part Three #
| OG Ch. | New. Ch. | Characters |
|---|---|---|
| 11 | 10 (add to part two) | Serafin |
| 10 | 11 | Iason, Neryth |
| 16 | 12 | Serafin |
| 12, 14, 15 | 13 | Neryth, Iason |
| 20 (paperback) | 14 | Dann |
| 17 | 15 | Neryth |
| Going through, I was surprised by how clumsy the split really was and I’m yet again reminded as to how happy I am that I decided to put in the work to polish this story. I really do love it and I want to do it justice. |
OG Ch. 20 was not actually included in the original split, and serves as a much better way to part with Dann.
At some point in New Ch. 13, I want the siblings to attempt to contact Marc and fail. Part Three of this book might prove the most challenging yet. I do sometimes feel as though I’m polishing a turd.
Week Four Word Counts #
| Day | Words Written | Chapter |
|---|---|---|
| Sun, 10/26 | — | — |
| Mon, 10/27 | 1052 | Chapter 6 (—) |
| Tue, 10/28 | 6030 | Chapter 6 (X), Chapter 8 (—) |
| Wed, 10/29 | 3324 | Chapter 8 (X), Chapter 9 (—) |
| Thu, 10/30 | — | — |
| Fri, 10/31 | 3311 | Chapter 9 (—) |
| Sat, 11/1 | 2109 | Chapter 9 (X), Chapter 10 (—) |
| Week Four Total: 15,826 |
Week Five #
Monday — 12/22 #
Spending more time writing than reflecting. Not much to report today aside from my constant back forth on plotting out this final stretch of the book. Lots more new stuff being than I’d intended, but that’s a good thing.
Lots of cuts, too. For example, there’s a tavern party seen that’s been there since the beginning of time. No longer, I plan to cut it and replace it with a culturally significant winter holiday.
Tuesday — 12/23 #
Right now, I’m trudging through Serafin’s final chapter of the book. There’s lots of preaching I’m cutting from it. This is a chapter I’m not as excited for, but I’m happy to get it out of the way and improved.
Wednesday — 12/24 #
Merry Christmas! How funny that I’ve begun the chapter that will feature a winter holiday today! Not planned I assure you.
As I said, I’ve decided to axe the tavern scene, instead focusing on holiday celebrations. Neryth no longer has a spicy encounter with Chamomile, and Iason alone journeys to Mulberry to see ghosts.
I collected the beats and make notes on the changes. Here we go.
Chapter 13 Narrative Beats #
| Character | Description | Done? |
|---|---|---|
| Iason | Traveling to town with Father Portero for festivities. Visits Alma | 12/24 |
| Neryth | Bankers come to finalize house transaction. Neryth hires Esmeralda. | 12/26 |
| Iason | Drinking with Father Portero, getting to know him better | 12/26 |
| Neryth | Gets to know Esmeralda. | 12/27 |
| Iason | Drunk, sees the man he just emblamed | 12/27 |
| Neryth | Nightmare, burning family | 12/27 |
| Iason | Wakes up, ambles about town, sees Kesar, as Alma described. Finds NEGA-Portero. | 12/27 |
| Neryth | Foraging, runs into Father Portero, who seems dazed. | Cut |
| Iason | Iason in workshop, obessive, bodies have shown up, Mortimer gives context |
Saturday — 12/27 #
These Iason and Neryth chapters are proving to be quite the projects. They require much reworking. Chapter 13 was as much of a beast as Chapter 4, with the difference that I found it a much more interesting chapter. I don’t think Chapter 4 is bad chapter, but I have spent SO MUCH time in that leg of the narrative over the years.
I’m over it.
There are two chapters and epilogue left. Chapter 14 will be Dann’s final chapter, which is not in the original split book. Chapter 15 will be an amalgam of Neryth’s first dive into Thornlowe’s catacombs, and Iason insightful encounter with Mortimer. They will linked and interwoven, which will require planning…. next week, after I write Dann.
There is also the matter of the epilogue, which will be written from scratch. Because I’m not committing to continuing the Heretic’s Reflection narrative beyond Book 2, I need to give more context for my villain.
The original idea is that Simulacrum is an ancient Kaldean sorcerer who was trapped in hell by Morgana and left there. He has been penetrating the waking world through a gate within Thornlowe’s catacombs and can interact with the world by remotely controlling “simulacra”
Essentially, Agustin had at one time gone to Thornlowe to visit his son’s family. Agustin encoutered the sorcerer in amber, and was killed. The sorcerer fabricated a copy of Agustin and and enacts his will through him. Augustin’s fabricated form is a monstrous, eldritch thing in disguise, and it has the ability to create more of itself by taking the shapes of those it kills.
This is hardly explained in the original text, and is a promise set up in What Lies Below, that must be answered in Those Left Behind.
Week Five Word Counts #
| Day | Words Written | Chapter |
|---|---|---|
| Sun | 3713 | Chapter 11 (—) |
| Mon | 3873 | Chapter 11 (X), Chapter 10 (X), Chapter 12 (—) |
| Tue | 2315 | Chapter 12 (—) |
| Wed | 1893 | Chapter 12 (X), Chapter 13 (—) |
| Thu | 1465 | Chapter 13 (—) |
| Fri | 1885 | Chapter 13 (—) |
| Sat | 2816 | Chapter 13 (—) |
| Week Five Total: 17,960 |
Week Six #
Sunday — 12/28 #
Here we are in the wake of my productive week of the year? Can I match it this week? Probably not, then again, I hadn’t thought I could top week four.
Today I’m beginning the last Dann chapter, which is actually not part of the draft I’ve been working through this whole time.
Enough dilly dallying. Time to get some work done.
Dann’s final chapter is done, much shorter than others, but it is a good, singular scene that gives the reader something to look forward to with her.
I also realized that because of this scene, Mortimer must appear in Chapter 13, this cannot be pushed back. So I will finish that last scene for Iason tomorrow, and hopefully begin work on the final chapter and epilogue by Tuesday.
Monday — 12/29 #
Did not get much fiction done. Did a lot of work on YouTube videos, then I began to feel ill and had to stop.
Damn you body!
Tuesday — 12/30 #
Got a good sesh in the morning, which is good because I ended up driving all day at work.
Wednesday — 12/31 #
I finished! What a wonderful way to end the year.
I don’t have much else to say, other than to express relief, and awe at getting this project done in less than six weeks!
Week Six Word Counts #
| Day | Words Written | Chapter |
|---|---|---|
| Sun | 2193 | Chapter 14 (X) |
| Mon | 350 | Chapter 13 (—) |
| Tue | 1947 | Chapter 13 (X), |
| Wed | 3322 | Chapter 15 (X), Epilogue (X) |
| Thu | ||
| Fri | ||
| Sat | ||
| Week Six Total: 7,812 |